Sunday’s Nuptials… NYTimes Style


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Every Sunday for the last three years I leave my apartment and walk down 6th ave to the newspaper stand on the corner of 57th, pay the man $5, and grab a Sunday edition of the New York Times, neurotically checking to make sure that each section is there before I step away from the stand. God forbid the Travel section goes missing. Seriously. I’m not happy if that happens.

From there, I retreat to some outdoor space, usually the roof with my Starbucks, and my computer in case I feel inclined to share something I’m reading (in the real newspaper) with my NYC ex-pat friends. Headlines like Anna Wintour Custom Couture Dolls at Barneys, Denver Chefs Head for the Garden, 36 Hours in San Francisco… If you can’t read the Times anymore, please, allow me to bring it to you in customized snippets.

I’m moving to Boston in 2 days, so this past Sunday was my last sprawled out on a sunny midtown balcony,  the overwhelming smell of horse poo wafting up from Central Park South, cup of coffee in hand, listening to Jonathan Schwartz’s Sunday Show on WNYC, with the paper in arms reach. This, for the record, is my idea of perfect happiness (less the horse poo.) If I could somehow listen to Jonathan Schwartz stumble over intros to Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett and Nina Simone classics for four hours, with a skinny vanilla latte, and the Sunday Times on a beach somewhere I would be in paradise. A frozen cocktail would be cool too…

Everyone has an order they read the Times in. For instance, when I’m spending a weekend at the lake, I know that Kate will want the Travel section, Andrew will start with the Week in Review, and Connor will grab the Real Estate section. No one takes the Style section, leaving it free and clear to me to devour immediately. My intellectual lakeside counterparts occasionally refer to the Style section as fluff. Well, let me tell you something, fluff… is an excellent way to start your Sunday.

Style, Travel, Book Review, Real Estate, Week in Review. That’s my order. Then I read everything else. I remember when a few years back, at the lake, we were having a lively debate about the Sunday edition of the Times, and the majority were arguing that no one in their right mind reads the NY Times wedding announcements. Slightly annoyed, I dropped the bomb, that I in fact START each Sunday with just that. Why would any self-respecting person ever read this they yelled back? Um. Because it’s awesome. Have you ever read these things? They’re hilarious! I mean, I know they’re meant to be serious, what with all the ivy-league, MBA, finance and president of this popular midtown Manhattan company, references that abound across multiple columns, they can be hilarious. They’re so amazingly entertaining that Gawker, NYC’s daily answer to pop-culture and all things snarky news, does a weekly recap scoring the Sunday nuptials. It’s totally worth reading just for the recap. Plus don’t you just wonder how the inner workings of that go?

Desperate to be featured in NY Times Couple (DTBFINYTC): Hello, please, please, please pick us! We went to ivy-league schools, have big time jobs, my mother invented post-its, and his father is the president of Zambia.

NY Times Style section: What? No charity work? No.

The Sunday Styles. I love it, and I’m not afraid to admit it.

There are a few things I always notice when I’m reading through this unending list of accomplishments, degrees and accolades. First… these people all look exactly the same. I mean, the couples. They look like each other. You know how couples start to resemble each other after awhile, the NY Times Wedding section is the perfect case in point to this theory. I’m not even joking. Look the next time. Not all of them, but some of these couples are crazy identical. Also, NY Times, allow me to pick a bone with you. When the groom’s name is Brian, there really is no need to say, “The groom, known as Brian…” Right. We can read. We get it. That’s his name, odds are he goes by that. But by all means, if the groom’s name is Jasper Peyton Garrison Bennett III, go ahead and tell me what he prefers to be called. I guess. I don’t really care, but… go ahead.

I’m not going to lie. I look at age, job, school. In that order. I’m sorry I want to know what makes you special enough to make the NY Times Weddings cut. Seriously.

Graduated from Brown and received a Master’s in psychology from Columbia… Fulbright scholar… writer for “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart”daughter of Dr. Oz.

Ok. Point taken.

It’s actually quite an involved little process. Like the episode of SATC episode when Charlotte and Harry work tirelessly to take the perfect Wedding photo taken, only to have Charlotte end up with a Hitler style mustache (read: ink splotch) on her face once it goes to print, this is not simple.

The below is from the photo submission guidelines from the New York Times.

Photos

The Weddings/Celebrations pages typically publish formal portraits of couples and individual brides. Couples posing for pictures should arrange themselves with their eyebrows on the same level and with their heads fairly close together. Couple pictures should be in color and printed in a horizontal format. Include the photographer’s name if professional credit is required.

Eeek. Line up your eyebrows or else. Maybe that’s why they all look so much alike.

And to simply submit your story/wedding, you may need to hand over your first born.

You must include the full names of the couple, the date of their event and the approximate time of day. We need their addresses, schooling and occupations. Also mention any noteworthy awards the couple have received, as well as charitable activities and special achievements. And tell us how the couple met.

We also require information on the residences and occupations of the couple’s parents. Please include this even if the parents are deceased. You may demonstrate your preferences by following the form of other announcements that have appeared in the Weddings/Celebrations pages.

In the case of a marriage, a civil union or a partnership registration, we must have the name, title and affiliation of the person who will legally sign the official certificate.

For an interfaith event, include the names and affiliations of any other officiants who will participate. Also state the exact location of the event.

All announcements must include daytime, evening and cellphone numbers for the couple and their parents. We also need the office phone numbers for those performing the ceremony. Identify each number. Submissions without telephone numbers cannot be considered.

Ok, ok. I know. It’s necessary. It’s the TIMES! The paper of record… or was that The Sun? Sigh. Either way, that’s a lot of rules.

A few weeks ago, my two best friends came back east, and stayed with me, so they could attend a super fance(y) wedding on one of the Piers  from 27 Dresses. While discussing the night’s highlights over coffee, and my NY Times style section the next morning, I realized, not only was I getting play-by-play wedding details from them verbally over the coffee table, but that wedding was staring me in the face in black and white.

“Oh Shit. They’re in the Times.” I said out loud.

They went to Princeton.

SO needless to say, I enjoy starting my Sunday with Style, and I want to start bringing you along for the ride.  Settle in…

So this week, Tony award winning actress Katie Finneran’s wedding is the featured wedding, in the VOWS section, which is different. (That’s the big one.) I was kind of excited about this. Here’s why. Earlier this year, this super cute little thing who is a scene stealing supporting actress in Promises, Promises right now on Broadway, in my opinion, stole the Tony Awards. Yes, Kristin Chenoweth was hilarious. Yes, Sean Hayes was amazing. BUT, Katie Finneran gave the most wonderful and heartfelt acceptance speech at the Tony’s, wherein she said that she was “the luckiest girl  in the world because Darren Goldstein asked me to marry him last week.”  It was touching. I can say it because I was there. And, she wore an amazing white dress that night, which doubled as her wedding dress 3 months later. The dress… is amazing. Mostly I love their story because it’s all about timing, and reservations and expectations. You know all those things that most love stories are made of, but in the bright lights of Broadway. Oh, and she’s expecting. Sigh. Call me what you want, but I have finally given into the fact that despite the snark, I am a hopeless romantic sap. My college roommates are cheering at that admission right now…

Moving on…

Dr. Oz’s daughter got married this weekend. She’s 24, and wrote a book about how not to gain the freshman 15. And her name is Daphne. He works in finance. Shocker.

A whole lot of this week’s couples are Boston based, which I find lovely, for obvious reasons. One groom even prepping to study at my alma mater Northeastern, which might be the one and only time I’ve ever seen Northeastern mentioned here in black and white. Moving up in the world. I like it.

Also, apparently there is hope in the NYC bar scene, (just in time for me to leave.)  Several of the featured couples this week “Met in a bar…” which apparently is apparently both NY Times acceptable and feasible now. One woman boldly walked up to a guy at a bar, scrawling her number on a napkin before inviting him to see a show at a nearby club. “If you want to get to know me you have to come to the show. I’ll put you on the list. What’s your name?”

Bold.

Guy just stuck out his hand and said, “Hi. O.K. I’m Dan.”

Of course it is.

Then they got married.

Sidebar: Know this is funny to me  for the following reason: There are two reoccurring themes in my “love” life. One,  said man must live faraway, usually in a state that I do not currently reside, and two, said man must be named Dan or Ryan. I’m not even kidding. It’s a joke now. Five or 6 of each and counting. I didn’t make this freakish rule. Someone else did, and that someone is having an epic laugh at my expense. Whatever. Laugh it up boss. I hear Boston is loaded with super sweet, charming, hot guys named Matt and Ben. How do you like them apples?

Back to the nuptials.

This couple. I just like. Mostly, because I want to be friends with them. They seem cool. Bogart and Butler… like old Hollywood finance film stars… with a hat.

And finally… my ultimate favorite Wedding Announcement thus far in the NY Times. Louisa and Lucas, a poet and a photographer who,After the wedding, plan to move to Brattleboro, VT where they hope to start a goat farm. Their wedding registry includes goats and farming equipment. They said that they have received a 10-gallon milk can and three pledges of goats so far. They’re also working on starting a tractor fund.”

You totally win.


Read more: Sunday’s Nuptials… NYTimes Style
Wedding Belles Online For the ladies of the aisle…

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